Yoga means connection to spirit. There is no time when we are not in yoga. Whether we are with spirits in bodies or spirit in the greater cosmic consciousness, we are in connection. This connection is a great web of love. It pulses the vibration of love. Its light is the very essence of eternal, healing, all-encompassing love. There is no time we are not connected to one another and there is no time when there is not love.

Even if we seem limited by out fears, mistrust, or anger that make us believe we are something other than that connective energy, we are not limiting or diminishing it. It is our free will that allows us to believe whatever we want to believe. It would be like the elbow not believing it was part of the body. It may hurt one day and seem alien to us, but still, there it is doing what it should at that time, acting its part in the role of the body. Even if it hurts, it is sending messages that are of benefit. We don't ignore a pain in our bodies. It is a signal that something is out of balance and that healing work should be done.

So also, when we, who are in this universal yoga, send out signals of hurt, anger, sadness, it is accurate in some way. It is a call for nurturing, healing, re-balancing. The yoga sutras state that there is service of the mind and service of the body. When we do service of the body, it is limited to a place, a certain distance, a period of time. When we add to it service of the mind, when we consciously set aside pain and trade it for peace, it is far-reaching and timeless.

Paramahansa Yogananda said: "How can our prayers influence the lives of others? In the same way that they elevate our own: by implanting in the consciousness positive patterns of health, success, and receptivity to divine help."

"The human mind, freed from the disturbances or 'static' of restlessness is empowered to perform all the functions of complicated radio mechanisms - sending as well as receiving thoughts and tuning out undesirable ones. As the power of a radio-broadcasting station is regulated by the amount of electrical current it can utilize, so the effectiveness of a human radio depends on the degree of will power possessed by each person."

Here we are in the spring season of the growth of light and love. It is the blossoming of a new age. Send out your radiant positive powerful thoughts to the world. As you will, so may it be.

Thanks to all those years practicing and studying with yogis, it is so much a part of me now. I have learned from my own experience, and from watching others, that India becomes part of you before you know it. I still like to use yoga in my ritual practices. Here is a meditation I wrote for my ritual group:

Imbolc is the sabbat that celebrates the return of the Sun to the Earth. We see the first stirrings of spring. As the light of the day makes its way onto the earth, we can also experience new light dawning within us. Imbolc offers a perfect time to experience the peace that is within you, the "silent observer" that is your original nature.

We are beings light energy. Then we come into the world and take in these physical bodies. In this way we are able to vibrate on so many levels of existence. When we come into action, through the physical form, we can do so many things. Like a triple god or goddess, like Shiva and Brighid, we are also creators, sustainers, and destroyers. We build our lives, we tear down what is no longer necessary, we live our lives.

WIth our conscious minds we build thoughts, feelings, love, hate, happiness, jealousy, sorrow, utter joy. These are all vibrations we send out. We can do so many things with our minds that are connected to our inner being. The silent observer within us, the core self, witnesses it all. It remains in silent connection to the Supreme Source. It connects to the Universe and observes the totality of existence. Too seldom in our busy lives do we spend time focused inward to acknowledge and experience that eternal being. Sometimes, we notice it in times of crisis, that part that watches events unfold, dispassionately. When people are interviewed during fires, earthquakes, and plane crashes how they something inside them just calmed down and they watched the event happen. Then they were able to react or come into action shortly after that. It is always present.

So, all we need to do is turn within and focus our attention on the silent self. It's a way of centering and regrouping, this returning to our deepest peace. Unless you are an experienced meditator, it can seem a bit difficult to align with the core, especially in a world that tries to convince us we are these temporary bodies and that we should buy into the flux and turmoil of daily life. So, it is a good opportunity to take advantage of special sacred days, like Imbolc, to assist us. The vibration of the time, with so many souls around also focused on the celebration makes it easier.

We begin by taking a deep breath and entertaining positive thoughts like, “I am a peaceful being. For now, I set aside this time, apart from all my activities, my running commentary on my life. I let go of strong emotions, anxieties, worries, etc. and dwell on the part of myself that is the serene, eternal being of light.” Think about things that bring you peace, perhaps even go for a walk in nature. Nature is wonderful because it is already totally detached from the rat race. In the midst of all that is going on, trees, plants, flowers, water, mountains, just are. They are evidence that it is possible to "be silent and know". Breathe in peace, breathe out stress. Breathe in love, breathe out anger. Breathe in joy, breath out fear. Relax your shoulders, let go of stress and enjoy a blissful period of rest and renewal. Welcome to a new day.

A group of friends and I went to the Tam O’Shanter Restaurant last night where we celebrated Robert Burns birthday, 1759 – 1796. He was, and is, a favorite son and known as the national poet of Scotland. He wrote “Auld Lang Syne”, “Tam O’Shanter”, and so many wonderful poems. I knew the night would be fun when a curly-haired man in his clan kilt, and a twinkle in his eyes, came up to me at the desk and said, “Your not going to behave yourself tonight, are ye lass?” I laughed out loud and said, “I’ll do my best not to!” Then blushed like a teenager at the flirtation from a handsome, older man.

Ecstatic Scottish people crowded the restaurant. I include myself because one-third Scots blood does run in my veins. When I traveled to Scotland years ago it was easy to see why any visitor would want to be Scottish for even one night. Last night, we dined on tasty traditional Scottish dishes. Yes, there was Haggis at every table, but that wasn’t one of the dishes I was talking about. The bagpipes were played well, accompanied by Highland dancers, a violinist, and enthusiastic singers.

The man I met earlier turned out to be the storyteller who had been performing “Robbie Burns” poetry for 30-years at Tam O’Shanter. He performed with humorous gusto, dignity, and love. Because it was a friend’s birthday, I asked him if he would recite a poem in honor of my friend. He sat down and told us a story about Burns. We were all leaned forward in our seats, hanging on every word. The peat from a whisky I had just sampled reminded me of the campfire we should have been sitting around for the occasion. Apparently, Burns was a ladies’ man and women would come up to him and just kiss him because the couldn’t keep their hands off of him. The storyteller had us laughing, but we sobered up as he proceeded to recite a haunting poem about Burns’ lost love. We were mesmerized and enchanted. Unforgettable night.



On an evening where I was already warmed by the gathering of friends, being surrounded by the festive atmosphere (lots of men in kilts!), and some fine Scotch whisky, I received something more. It was another confirmation of how important writing is for all of humanity. The combined medley of words, sentiment, events, and history is philosophical food for the soul. Poetry is a sacred celebration of expression that helps us understand the world and ourselves so much more. And it makes the whisky go down more easily too!

http://www.lawrysonline.com/tamoshanter_gen_info.asp

I am watching President and Mrs. Obama dance again and again at these inaugural balls. I love how they are with each other. This isn't just the stiff moves of a couple that is doing their duty. Well, yes, they are doing their duty, but I see something else. They truly represent romance in a marriage. What a joy to see genuine feeling. No actors can replicate this. I can feel the energy between them and it's as much of a celebration as the whole day of inaugural events has been.




What a beautiful couple!



Passion in the White House? It could happen!

I have faced my trepidation about taking this creative writing course. I hadn't realized how nervous I would be about submitting work on a schedule. It turns out to be one of the best things about it. It's like exercising muscles I haven't used in a long time. There was also that little twinge about facing a classroom of people I don’t know who get to comment on my work. Even though I have been reading my work in my writer’s group, this seemed somehow different. I think it’s about getting comfortable with an expanded audience.

The best thing about the class so far, though, is the reminder that writing is play and the class is a playground. That if we don’t find pleasure writing then we won’t do it at all. I am finding my joy again (she says with a relaxing sigh). As I pounded away at the draft of my last novel I felt lost because of difficulty expressing the story the way I saw it in my mind. The class is definitely helping me express myself in ways I have wanted. There’s already growth anyway.

Finally, the feedback from the teacher is building my confidence. It was like feeling drawn to a temple and walking all around it trying to figure out a way to get in. Finally, a priest opens the doors wide and tells you it’s high time you join everyone inside. A few tears of joy, only because confirmation it turns out is important. So the work continues!

I am so excited to see this inauguration! It's the kind of positive history this nation has needed to make for so very long. By the fact that Barack Obama has already put together his cabinet and is seriously addressing the problems of the nation I see good things coming. Everything goes in cycles. Fortunately, another era of ignorance, darkness, and deceit is over with. I can't wait.

Although, I dog et annoyed at the people who are all too ready to jump on Obama. Rather than being supportive of a president who hasn't even begun his work yet, these people are already sharpening their knives. Someone told me that Rush Limbaugh has already tried to blame some past history on Obama, rather than Bush. What?! Even my own conservative husband tried emply that Obama reached back, before he became president, probably by dent of the "sin" of being a Democrat and performed some political crime against the hard-working people of this country. The melodrama boggles my mind. It's so ridiculous that any day now, I'm expecting to hear, "Did you know the Vietnam war wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Barack Obama?!"

Yes, that was sarcasm, that manor of irony that too many conservatives have trouble employing. It's surprising considering how many ironic events they produced in the last several years. As new era comes in, let's not forget what came before. Let's try not to repeat it, although, it may be inevitable considering the poor memories of the press and too many people. Anyway, I don't want to go down that road. I am looking up and looking forward. There is so much work ahead, but I see great things.

I had a funny dream just before waking up this morning. I've been debating about calling someone on the carpet for their bad behavior over an event that should have been pleasurable, but caused them a good deal of anxiety. This is a friend who lashed out at the very people who were trying to help the person out. The person's behavior was rather abusive frankly. Ironically, that is the one thing this person would hate to know they had done. Abusive behavior passed on from parent to adult child, basically.

Since this lashing out is not present under normal circumstances, instead of trying to change my friend, I decided to just deal with my attitude toward them. I learned why it upset me so much. Also, what is interesting is that over time, this friend hasn't been able to face me, which tells me they know what they've done and really can't face up to it.

Apparently, I wasn't completely done with it, because it came up while I was asleep. In my dream, I told the person about their behavior, how it made me feel, and that it was inexcusable. I ranted, quite frankly! Then, probably because it was my dream, the person admitted it was their fault and that they were sorry. I popped out of the dream and woke up at that point. Miraculously, all my pent up hostility and mixed feelings disappeared. I feel such peace now. I guess that was what I needed to do all along. I may confront the person one day, but it perhaps my message was sent out on the etheric plane. With this sense of satisfaction, it works for me.

There is a good article in December issue of Yoga Magazine (out of London) on Dadi Janki. She is a 91-year old yogi and the head of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University. Below is an on-line blurb:

http://www.yogamagazine.co.uk/article.php?sectionid=1&articleid=170

Beginning in my late 20’s I studied and worked with this altruistic organization for eleven years. I mainly studied in Los Angeles, but also had the extraordinary opportunity to attend the university in India on three different occasions. It is called Madhuban (the Forest of Honey) and resides in Mt. Abu, Rajasthan, India.

http://www.bkwsu.org/whoweare/headquarters/madhuban.htm


I have tremendous love and respect for Dadi Janki and all of the yogis I learned from. I count this time as the true awakening of my core self. I was a girl from the Midwest who had only attended the Congregational church I grew up in. At least it was a church that said it was good to explore other beliefs and traditions. I had no idea what an amazing journey was a head of me.

With the Brahma Kumaris I learned Raja Yoga meditation, what it means to live a spiritual life, to teach, and think of service to community, and therefore the world, as a necessity of a life worth living. I grew up. I found out how to face myself, laugh more, enjoy small moments, how to handle difficulties and the necessary losses in life with dignity. It wasn’t always an easy time because I wasn’t the easiest person. I struggled with growing pains and a lack of self-worth. There were childhood traumas that I learned to face, grow through, and release. Lots of issues came up for me, but it was so worth it in the context of an environment of yogic life and a spiritual education. There was so much to take in and to this day it seems that all I truly learned is still with me. My life is not perfect. It’s a process and that is part of the practice too. How can anyone be bored with living? It is a mystery unfolding at every moment.

I find it interesting to hear Eckhart Tolle discuss the things that I learned long ago with Dadi Janki and the BK’s. What he teaches is very ancient knowledge. However, for so many people this is all new information. So many are just now hearing about how to live a life of awareness instead of awkward self-consciousness. They are now learning about letting go of false ego for the opportunity to live knowing we are each spiritual beings and not just the physical body. By seeing every individual around us as a soul having a human experience we develop compassion. Then peace comes, then the non-violence that Deepak Chopra is discussing.

The magazine article makes a mistake at the beginning though. It says that the Brahma Kumaris teach Karma yoga. They actually teach Raja Yoga. Raja means “king” and that indicates that it embraces all of the other types of yoga. Dadi Janki, to you I say, “Om Shanti.”

This explains why I can't get to sleep easily. How do I get that jar of honey?

Your Word is "Think"

You see life as an amazing mix of possibilities, ideas, and fascinations. And sometimes you feel like you don't have enough time to take it all in. You love learning. Whether you're in school or not, you're probably immersed in several subjects right now. When you're not learning, you're busy reflecting. You think a lot about the people you know and the things you've experienced.

A little over 20 years ago I participated in the Million Minutes of Peace initiative hosted by the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University. Today I took a vow of non-violence supported by Deepak Chopra and the the Alliance For A New Humanity. I am so happy to see this now, because I think the timing is so accurate.

Twenty years ago was about learning there was truth in the idea that our peaceful thoughts, words, and actions could awaken the world and move it forward. It was kind of a new language for the western world. Now, so many people know it is important to live from our highest consciousness. We talk about the collective unconscious. This is about the collective conscious, the universal voice of awareness. See what you think of taking "The Vow" and sign on if you like the idea.

http://www.itakethevow.com/home


Definitely read the section on what non-violence truly means and how to keep such a vow.

I am trying to recall a totally carefree time in my life. I know that my childhood was about as carefree as it got. However, even that time for me was fraught with tensions of various kinds. I was more peaceful as a kid, but I was not carefree. I loved school for the sake of education and some great friendships, but I am much happier now, all these years after school.

So, though I understand that there are people out there who enjoy Facebook and finding people they were in high school with and such, I do not have that desire. More power to them, though. What I don't understand are the people who keep trying to get me to join them on Facebook. I am not so interested at this time of my life in looking backward. Probably because I'm just getting into the swing of looking forward and not dreading what is before me. Sadly perhaps, I have to say there were many times, even in my 20's and 30's when, right in the middle of a period where I should have been the happiest and the most ecstatic about where I was and what I was doing, something would happen to make life very hard to bear. I am definitely feeling more freedom and enthusiasm now.

I still love learning. I am excited today because I am beginning a creative writing class. I'm finally tackling the issues that make me feel unsure of my writing abilities. I'm really looking forward a good review of fiction writing. So, off I go, back to school! Since this is online course there won't be any Facebook pictures!

I just took the following test which says I'm a "Self-Knowing Spiritual Self-Improver". It also says, "1% of the 34,939 people who have taken this quiz are like you." Perhaps it's more that a lot of spiritually busy people are not taking these tests. I don't know whether it's good or not that I've taken the time. I do secretly like these tests though. Here's were it's from:

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Self-Knowing Spiritual Self-Improver

Check out the tests at Belief.net: http://www.beliefnet.com/

I HAD to get out of the house today! I feel like I've been cooped up too long. I attempted to be the loving wife who understands my hard-working husband's need for down time at home. But, this time of year we usually go away on a 3-4 day new year's trip. We like to go wine tasting and exploring. This time we decided to stay at home because it's good to reign in spending, especially these days.

At least today, we had a little adventure to Americana Way where there is a huge Barnes & Noble. Book fondling always brings peace to my soul. We also went to lunch at Granville, which has very good organic dishes. Sunday brunch is always worth exploring, I think!

Then I got my sweetie to go to the Labyrinth at Forrest Lawn. We both needed some meditation time. My friend ElfK will smile when she sees this. Yes, you started something! Despite being amidst thousands of headstones, which have never bothered me, Forrest Lawn is a treasure of art, sculpture, and serenity. The labyrinth was fun to walk, especially with a restless man giving me a high-5 every time we came close on the meditation walk. Lots of laughter!

I have been missing my cat, Nicholas. I lost him this past September and, together with my parents, I have been preoccupied by thoughts of these past losses during the holidays. No surprise there. Also, I have been working with some people on grief and what it does to us and for us.

It is so important to grieve, especially when it comes from something that happened recently. It is current in the mind. When I allow myself to mourn, just allowing it to happen really helps. A lot of people fight grief because it hurts, but the fight just makes the pain grow worse. When I let the struggle, guilt, and/or fear of being human and having feelings finally stop, I can allow myself to focus then. Sometimes surrender is necessary, especially in our own minds, where really nothing can hurt us. What we find is quiet. At that point of inner quiet is when I can find out what the grief really stands for, what is really going om, rather than chastising myself or preoccupying my mind by listening to a thousand other thoughts.

If I find I am grieving over a long time hurt, some old memory that keeps coming back, then I'm causing my own grief. It is a repetition of thoughts about some unresolved business. Perhaps it is regret, an old argument with a loved one, a belief that needs to be challenged for its truth or falsehood in my current life. For me, then, it is best to realize that the thoughts need to be appropriately redirected. My thoughts need to become aware of the unlimited, peaceful, inner self. The part of me I know exists, but I visit too infrequently. Well, maybe more frequently than some people. I am a meditation teacher. Still, this stuff is so easy to forget when I'm wallowing in sadness, when I can't or won't let go.

The fact remains that the habit of being in upheaval and thinking negative rather than positive thoughts can be changed. Focus on the Supreme Source of sustained peace or even on that part of myself that resonates with the constant knowledge of harmonious Being changes my perspective. I can resonate with the peace that I already am, in essence.

Our minds keep seeking, wanting, and searching. That is what the mind does, after all. It is the faculty for thinking continual thoughts. Yet, we can change the course of our thoughts. We are beings who KNOW the difference. We have hope because we can see different paths and perspectives. That is why it is so important to be quiet sometimes, to quit the searching and let it all go, and just KNOW that we are fine as we are. The yogis say there is nothing more powerful than the relationship between you and the Supreme Source who loves you. Or there is nothing but you and Love in all its forms. When thoughts are not focused on the chaotic world around us or on what others think of us, etc. then there is only light and love. Then it becomes easier to heal.

So, Nicholas, thank you for the chance to heal, to love, be reminded of the light of the world. Rest easy fuzzy one!

I should have entered this on my blog at the end of November, but here it is now:

I have completed my sixth year of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I put the +51K words into the official WriMo word counter at 3:00pm, Saturday, 11/29. It feels weird not having the anxiety of 'Write! Get your word count in, or else!' hanging over my head. However, this also marks the SECOND full novel whose 1st draft I have deliciously, finally completed. :-) However, now I have the re-writes and the editing left to do...

What this really means is that I have not one, but two +100 thousand word novels sitting here echoing through the dark portals of my mind, clanking along the dank file chambers of my hard drive. They are going to chatter at me like the haunted, skeletal remains of Norman Bates mother in her dusty rocking chair in Psycho whining at me to do my chores, ridiculing me for not writing as much as I should. Or, perhaps it's more like that old Star Trek episode about Harry Mudd, the character played by Roger C. Carmel, who is fated with a computer replicator glitch and now not one, but multiple copies of his obnoxious and unattractive wife follow him around, perpetually nagging at him.

This is truly a mixed blessing. "What fresh hell is this?" asks Dorothy Parker, as she laughs and lights another cigarette. >:-} All you people who said "Writing is so fulfilling!" I hold you personally responsible

* Also, why is it that the contemplative cat (see Moods) looks like it's sucking it's thumb? LOL!

I did a reading yesterday to see what I will be working on for the new year. FLOW! It's a year of regarding the moon cycles and taking in that energy and watching how it affects life, moods, and manifestation, so the Angel cards say. Also, the Tarot says it's a year of Being more than reacting for or against whatever comes into my life. I understand that simply being means standing in the strength of my spirit. Lord and Lady, may it be so!

These are not resolutions, but things I would like to be more conscious of in my life. If I am aware of them, then perhaps I am doing them more.

I have been working on forgiving and forgetting. There were so many old, negative memories rolling around my head that weren’t doing me any good. I finally have breathing room! I like what I heard in The Secret, “true forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past can be different.” Every experience from the past has made me who I am and I do appreciate all of my life experiences.

If I used my old story (old tapes) to keep me from progressing, out of fear or whatever, then it’s time to let it go. I won’t be telling it over and over like I once did. More living in the here and now - thank you Eckhart Tolle. The only time there is to live in and act in is the now. Even if I plan for the future, I can only do it in the Now!

Gratitude – it is hard for anything new to come into my life unless I am grateful for what I have right now. Gratitude is attraction. When I see myself as the very soul of health, happiness, wealth, then I life as that. I become that. If it’s not happening, then it’s time to check my thoughts. More meditation!

I used to put so much stock in becoming what I perceived as"a success" that it scared me to much to attain it. I have a big imagination, after all! I am learning to take the things I want to do off of their false pedestal and actually DO them.

The Iseum I run has created extraordinary growth experiences. I've learned so much, not only about leading a group, but how to assist and guide intuitive and personal growth. It is beautiful because it's not about me. The more I let go, the more guidance comes in that can be heard, felt, and utilized.

This isn't a year of less and want. It is a year of blossoming. Time to Love more, write more, create more, see the world, and be of service more.

Happy 2009!

I believe in resolutions or at least setting goals for the new year. I have the usual promises to exercise more, take care of my health, etc. For the last few months, I have been feeling like a makeover is coming and not a cosmetic one. It's a deep need to redefine some of my beliefs or to re-order the way I act on them. There is a familiar shift happening inside that I don't think is related to the new year, especially since these stirrings made themselves known months before this. It is familiar because it's the feeling I get when I hit a growth period or the sense that "it's time for a change" on my spiritual path.

My significant birthday probably had something to do with this shifting, but it is more than that. I am looking forward to the future, although I don't know what it looks like anymore. I thought I did. I have the opportunity to make some changes, but they may take me into areas where I am not so comfortable anymore. And that is really scary. So, I need to think like a chess player and anticipate, if I can, how the choices I make will affect my whole life. Why do I hear Aunt Be in the Andy Griffith show saying, "We're no spring chickens anymore!" GRRRR! Anyway, I have to be careful, because I'm restless and that means I could do some foolish things. Hmmm, sounding more like another mid-life crisis with sentence.

This past year I found myself wrestling with a lot of ghosts. I'm a magical person, but a sensible one, I like to think. So, I know this struggle is about finishing off old business with both dead and living relatives and childhood pain. I have grappled with this for a long time. But I'm not a child anymore. I'm tired of carrying around the baggage. I have told myself this for a few years now. I have healed a lot, so why continue to harbor ill-feelings and drag around past guilt, fear, and resentments? I thought for a long time that it meant there was still unfinished business. Now, I believe I do it out of habit. The habits have to go, at least the useless ones. They stand in the way of my energy and the ability to think and act in new ways. It seems to me that if I try to move forward with a new goal or make a new choice and still filter it through old grief, anxiety, fear, or whatever, then I might as well be stuck in a glue that will keep pulling me back to the starting point over and over again.

I refuse to continue on like that. So, this is the year of change and letting go for me. Perhaps the changes won't look very big, but since, in my mind and heart, I so dearly want these steps forward, then there will be change. That much I know. If I truly make up my mind to let go, drop the baggage, and finish with the tears, then a transformation necessarily occurs. I saw that with all those years of healing. That's the real magic. I do have to remember not to go running back to pick up the discarded pieces though. That is the hardest part. So, here I stand with my arms full of hope instead.

I saw the movie August Rush this past week. It was a good movie for the most part. I felt the film swelled and flowed over me like a classical concerto. I was in tears by the end, not only for the sentimentality of the story, but because of the basic heart and truth of it.

There was a bit of the soap opera about it, but for those who like poetic themes about the synchronicity and harmony of life, powerful cinematography, and good acting it certainly works. Freddie Highmore's performance is sensitive and consistent. Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Keri Russell set their performances by Highmore's tone and pacing and created a real link with him. I think the film was better directed than it was written. Still, the actors had some good opportunities. You will be able to compare the film very easily to Oliver Twist. Works for me with it's ageless themes. Robyn Williams as Fagan was scary and brilliant, as always. Did I mention Jonathan Rhys Meyers? God, is he hot! Woo!

It is officially 11/20/07 fourteen minutes ago. I only have approx. 15K words written so far for this year's National Novel Writing Month. I'm running scared. This is my 5th year. I have attained the 50 thousand + word count each of the previous four years, but I am not certain about this one. I managed to to write 5K words on Sunday, thanks to a great group of people at a write out. But I'm hurting on my own. I'm about 17K words behind.

Part of the problem is a car wreck I was in almost three weeks ago, on November 1st. Some crappy way to start off NaNoWriMo, eh? Anyway, this guy was changing lanes and rammed right into me. Afterward, he said, "I didn't want to hit the car in front of me." What a ridiculous thing to say! The damage it turns out, isn't so bad, except that my insurance company wants to total my car! That's who I'm arguing with now. It was bad enough that the guy who hit my car "forgot" his insurance card and my insurance company won't pursue him, but I'm feeling rather victimized by my own insurance company. Luckily, my husband knows cars and found a body shop that can fix my car for one-half of the amount that the insurance company believes is necessary to fix my car. That amount is even less that what they are saying my car is worth. So, we're fighting them.

Luckily, I didn't get hurt. I had some transient muscle spasms for a few days after the accident, but that is all. I had the worst charlie horse the day after the accident. I don't recall having one that bad since my jazz and modern dance days. Whew! I keep promising to go get a deep tissue massage to work some of the tension out. I WILL do that soon.

I feel like a zombie these last couple of weeks. It is a very strange time. I have a lot of work, but I feel more like withdrawing than anything else right now. So, you would think I would want to write! Oh no, when I do I have free time, I want to read more than anything and watch old movies.

Anyway, I'm going to give it a good try. I mean really, I can't blow it on my fifth year! Other than Thanksgiving, I've cancelled going to LOSCON. I'm going to go to as many write-outs as I can and get myself caught up. There are 10 days left. at 5K words a day, no problem! I have a plot at least, no time, but still NO PROBLEM!